In typical time goes too fast, it’s November and I’m working on getting help. So, here’s a newsletter on asking for help.
When you’re having problems, how do you know you need to ask for help?
Learning to recognize or ask for help/support is challenging and personal. Especially if reaching a vision or idea seems overwhelming. If you’re resentful and feel like you’re doing more work in a partnership when the task doesn’t fit with your skills and talents. When you don’t want to do the task, and it 100% needs to get done.
Are there any signs you should watch for to trigger you to know to ask for help?
For me, it’s being in tears. Or rage quitting. Also, wanting to do something more, but feeling like you’ll never get there because you can’t handle the demands. Being exhausted. I also find I need to ask for help when I’m resentful of the help I see someone else getting. It’s usually more that I want that kind of support and I’m angry that I don’t have it.
My co-teacher Stephanie Marcusky of Authentic Growth Coaching says:
Part of the problem with not being able to ask for help is that we don’t trust whether or not we really need the help. “Oh, I’m sure I will be fine tomorrow – it’s no big deal.” (I ended up in the ER and then was admitted to the hospital because I trusted that the antibiotic was working for my tooth, but it wasn’t).
Put another way – we’ve become conditioned to putting our needs last, jumping up to help others, or just believing that we aren’t trying hard enough, that we will suffer longer than we need to.
Getting to know yourself better – what are your strengths and not-strengths (they aren’t always really weaknesses, just things that are harder for us to do), lets you prioritize what you can do and what you need help with.
What are your suggestions for helper support if you don’t have the extra $?
Trade & barter are great options. There are also many groups with great ideas. Many of these can be found on Facebook or Reddit. A couple of favorites on Facebook include ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka and the comments section of someone like Kojo Safaro (drkojosarfo on Instagram). Sometimes people in the early stages of their profession will offer discounted rates while establishing themselves or going through training. Some providers and organizations offer scholarships. Technology and AI also offer many ideas and innovative solutions, devices, and gadgets that can be helpful and are often one-time purchases or lower ongoing price points than other things. Think Chat GPT, Magic ToDo, and Shelpful for free and low-cost options.
How does it make you feel to ask for help?
This is hard. I’m trying to work on getting more comfortable with asking for help. Part of the challenge in asking for help is I’m not always clear on what I need and it’s hard to convey how someone can best help me when I don’t really know what I want or need either! Especially when I’m in an internal argument, handing over a task becomes an argument of why did I do that? Is it because of apathy or because I’m being smart? (and sometimes, depending on my frame of mind, it switches between the two)
If asking for help makes you feel bad, what do you suggest people do to feel better?
While it’s not a cure-all, I love to revisit the thought that CEOs have support and use the analogy of running a company. CEOs can’t do it alone, so I can act like a CEO and intentionally seek support that fits me, especially when I can be proactive. I wrote a little more about this on my LinkedIn page!
A real-life example from HR Mom, read the full post here.
In years past, I would’ve procrastinated the paperwork for weeks and ridiculed myself for not being able to understand such a simple task. I would have been embarrassed to ask, fearing people would wonder how I ever got into an HR leadership role, and my imposter syndrome would have flared for months.
As I have gotten older, I have become more and more comfortable asking for help. I have just accepted that with my neurology, there are certain tasks I will ALWAYS find difficult to understand/process. Taxes are one of those things – along with driving downtown and watching black-and-white movies – and you know what? That is okay.
I am okay.
I asked a colleague for their thoughts on getting help. Here is what Mollie Yates of Horizonview Functional Therapy has to say:
What Is Burnout?
The World Health Organization (Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases (who.int)) defines burnout as an occupational phenomenon resulting from “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” But in the United States, where a job is often linked to identity and practically the source of access to health care, burnout can mean so much more. Add neurodivergence, such as ADHD, onto those pressures, and you can end up in a very difficult place. Work that does not adequately stimulate interest, or worse, has become boring, can make completing work tasks with ADHD feel insurmountable.
A New York Times article (Work Burnout: How to Spot Symptoms and What to Do – The New York Times (nytimes.com)) points out that “In a 2021 survey of 1,500 U.S. workers, more than half said they were feeling burned out as a result of their job demands.” In December of 2021, 4.3 million Americans quit their jobs in what has come to be known as the “great resignation.” A 2022 study of over 3,000 tech professionals in 33 countries performed by yerbo.co, creators of the Burnout Index, identified exhaustion, self-inefficacy, cynicism, and depersonalization as the top four symptoms of burnout. Overall, 2 in 5 of the workers surveyed showed a high risk of burnout. This phenomenon of burnout is not limited to tech – navigating through Covid has left many professionals, such as those working in healthcare and social services, feeling overwhelmed and like the career they carefully chose is no longer fulfilling, or worse, is making them ill.
How do you know if you are experiencing burnout?
Read the full article on my blog!
What kind of help would help you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and wishes!
🪄 Not that I can grant them; I’m still working on my magic wand 🪄